My community is grieving

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My heart goes out to my local community who is grief stricken after a horrendous accident this week.

Every parent’s worst fear became a reality this week when a young 10 year old boy was skateboarding on the road when a car driven by a P plater hit him.

After two days battling his injuries and multiple surgeries, the boy lost his struggle for life yesterday afternoon. His family has made the generous decision to donate his organs to help kids who are critically ill and as such his legacy will live on, although his life has ended too soon.

This boy is the same age as my son and I know at this age boys are fearless and don’t have very good road sense – twice yesterday my son walked behind a reversing car! I’m forever telling my kids to get off screens and be active outside, which is exactly what this boy was doing but in a horrific set of circumstances the inexperienced driver was unable to avoid hitting him – that’s not to say any driver may have been able to avoid the collision.

I can’t imagine the inexplicable grief this little boy’s family must be feeling. His young life cut short from an activity that boys everywhere do!

I also have a daughter a similar age to the driver, so I also have great empathy for this poor teenager who has to live with the guilt of being responsible for the 10 year old’s death. It’s scary when your child starts to drive independently as you no longer have any control over their safety.

We can’t wrap our kids in cotton wool, although after instances like this, we all wish we could. The purpose of this post is not to point the finger at anyone as being guilty, rather it is to reflect on how precious our kids are and how we have to live life to the fullest as none of us knows when our time will be up.

My sympathy goes out to everyone in my community who is grieving the loss of this little boy and I hope that the families of both this little boy and the driver are given support to help them cope with the unbearable stress they must be feeling.

(Image courtesy of stuart miles, freedigitalphotos.net)

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MISCARRIAGE – THE SILENT GRIEF

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Miscarriage is a common occurrence – one in five pregnancies end this way, however people rarely share the grief and torment that they go through at the time. If is often, only years later when the emotion isn’t so raw that people open up about their experiences.

The moment you see the positive lines on a pregnancy test you start to bond with that child. You establish its due date and start to prepare (at least mentally) for the addition of the child to your family. To then suddenly, through no fault of your own, have your pregnancy end is devastating.

Everyone deals with this situation differently. Some choose to avoid people who are pregnant or have a baby because their grief is too raw for them to spend time with those who are living the dream they had for themselves. Others accept that life must go on and don’t want to be excluded from social situations where there are children, as that just accentuates their loneliness.

Given that roughly 70% of miscarriages are due to genetic abnormalities, a miscarriage is usually nature’s way of dealing with an unviable embryo. If a baby can’t survive in the ideal environment of the mother’s womb, then it would have no way of being able to survive in the real world. In the other 30% of miscarriages, it alerts the mother to any physical conditions that may make carrying a baby difficult and allows her obstetrician to intervene and closely monitor her the next time around.

The hardest part with a miscarriage is that since most people don’t share their pregnancy news until after the first trimester (for the very reason of the risk of losing the baby), it is a silent grief that the parents go through. To the outside world that has no idea that you were pregnant, life continues on as before, with them blissfully unaware of your earth shattering loss.

It’s difficult to not think about milestones – I would have been x weeks pregnant; I would have had an ultrasound around now or my baby was due today. The only comfort is the old adage that ‘time heals all wounds’. With time (and possibly a new successful pregnancy) these thoughts subside and life doesn’t revolve around your loss anymore.

So to anyone reading this that has suffered a miscarriage, just know you are not alone and that whilst you will never forget the lost pregnancy, you will find closure and come to terms with your silent grief.

 

 

 

 

(Photo courtesy of David Castillo Dominici, freedigitalphotos.net)