There are times as a parent when you know you will sacrifice your own happiness and be subjected to pain for the good of your child: pregnancy; childbirth; mastering breastfeeding; controlled crying etc, but today I unwittingly subjected myself to unbearable pain and suffering – I took my son and his friend to see the new Spongebob Squarepants Movie.
Don’t get me wrong – I love kid’s movies. The best ones appeal to adults on a whole different level than kids; they are clever, funny and cute. This movie was mind-numbing nonsense that left me thinking that the writers must have been seriously tripping on drugs when they came up with the weird (but not wonderful) scenarios in this films. As if a time-travelling master dolphin that shoots lasers out of his blowhole isn’t ridiculous enough, the pun-filled script leaves you thinking that hitting your thumb repeatedly with a hammer would be preferable than having to sit through the entirety of the film. There is a scene where ‘Plankton’ is subjected to the cruel torture of listening to Spongebob laughing – even the writers acknowledge listening to Spongebob is torturous! I can only think that someone has some serious dirt on Antonio Banderas to blackmail him into agreeing to appear in this film.
I know that I sound like a wet blanket and that someone should call the fun-police to arrest me, but another mother I was talking to at the end of the movie was equally as scathing in her assessment of the movie. That is 93 minutes of our lives that we will never get back!
Even my son was saying he didn’t really even understand the movie, which is no reflection on him. Unless you’re a tripping, cartoon-loving weirdo, I don’t think you would understand the film or the reason any movie producer would fund such rot.
Please heed my warning and save yourself the pain and suffering and go to see any other movie, because I guarantee, regardless of how bad a film it may be, there is no way it could be worse than ‘Spongebob Squarepants – sponge out of water!’
What kid’s movies have you loved or loathed?